Memories of Joan

For those of you who don’t know me, I am Lesley, one of Joan’s Daughters-in-Law.
I have known Joan for almost 50 years and over time, I came to realise that Joan was a remarkable woman.  You have already heard from Neil and Fiona about various events in Joan’s life and I don’t want to repeat what has already been said, but I do want to take you back to Joan’s marriage to George.  Without that event, Joan’s life may have been very different and many of us, both family and friends, wouldn’t be sitting here today.
George was a Widower and when he asked Joan to marry him and she accepted, she didn’t only gain a Husband, she also gained a seven-year-old Son.  As a woman with no experience of children, it must have taken real courage to begin married life with a ready-made family.  That to me is a sign of a remarkable woman.  Paul started out calling Joan by her Christian name, but it wasn’t many months before he started calling her Mum and Mum she has remained.
Paul will remain eternally grateful to Joan for the love, care and support she gave him as a child and indeed, continued to give throughout her life.
As I have already said, I have known Joan for almost 50 years and she had been my Mother-in-Law for 42 years.  It’s a cliché, but true nonetheless, that in all that time, we never had a cross word.  I am sure that she must have had misgivings at times, as every Mother might about her child’s spouse, but she never showed that concern or misgiving to me.
So, there was Joan, Wife, Mother and Mother-in-Law.  Then came two Granddaughters in quick succession, Emma and Hannah and Nannie Joan came into being! 
Joan and George took to their new roles as Grandparents like ducks to water and the girls have many very happy memories of their times together.  As young children there were games of Guess the Animal, games of shops with Nannie Joan’s perfume bottles, visits to Southend, Peter Pan’s Playground and walks and train rides on the pier.  There were walks to the corner shop with Nan to buy bubbles and sweets, shopping trips to Ilford and visits to Valentine’s Park to feed the sometimes rather over-friendly squirrels, who would climb you like a tree to get to the bags of nuts.
There were home-made sausage rolls and cheesy rock cakes, as well as Nan’s amazing chocolate cake.  (Whatever happened to that recipe?!)  There would be drawing and colouring, games of Hoppit and Pictionary and imaginative games with the clothes horse fort, with Bilbo the ginger cat playing the role of the caged tiger.
Bedtime stories involved a magical flying bed, which took Emma, Hannah and Joan on amazing adventures around the world.  That magical bed could also transform into a motorbike or a horse, depending on what was needed for that particular adventure.  What an imagination Joan had, perhaps inspired by the prodigious amount of reading she had done throughout her life from a very early age. Joan’s beloved Dad had been a great reader and Joan would read all of the books that he borrowed from the penny library. 
For all of us, while George was still with us, there were Sunday lunches at Eustace Road, where political discussions around the lunch table would sometimes become quite noisy and heated, but Joan found the solution.  When she felt things were getting out of hand, she would ring a small hand-bell to call us all to order.  The bell having been rung, we would be forbidden to continue the discussion and the subject would be changed!

After George’s passing and at the age of 82, Joan moved from Eustace Road to Rural Close and a new chapter of life opened with old friends and new in leafy St Leonard’s Hamlet.  As always, Joan adapted to her new environment with gusto.
Later still, Granddaughter Hannah became Mother to Eva, now 7 years old and then Ella, now 15 months and Joan took on yet another new role, that of Great Grandma.  Eva has lots of memories of Great Grandma and one in particular she shares with her Mummy and her Auntie.  Jelly!  Joan always made jelly for the girls when we went to lunch and she made it for Eva too, whenever Eva was taken to lunch with Great Grandma in Hornchurch.  Through her tears, on hearing of Great Grandma’s passing, Eva was heard to say that there would be “no more jelly”.
Sadly, Ella is too young to have laid down any memories of Joan, but as she grows up she will see the photos and videos of herself and the rest of the family with Great Grandma.  Early last Summer I took a video of Joan playing peek-a-boo with Ella in the garden.  When I emailed it to Joan later, she replied that it was lovely, but that she, Joan, looked podgy.  That provoked a return email from me saying that “podgy” was not an appropriate response and listing just some of the things that I thought made her amazing.  As you can imagine “podgy” did not feature in that list.  My response included the following…….
That at 94, as she was then, she had that rather stylish bohemian look, taking care with her hair, make-up and jewellery, living independently in a modern looking house, looking after her own beloved garden, going to weekly keep fit classes and her much loved art group at Fairkytes, being constantly out and about, visiting gardens, exhibitions and concerts, attending  lunches and afternoon teas, as well as the occasional gin festival,  (purely for medicinal purposes, of course!), spending time with her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and a veritable army of friends and generally taking an interest in and enjoying, indeed cherishing, every moment of life.  I finished by saying “Break the habit of a lifetime and believe in and celebrate yourself for the wonderful woman you are!”
Joan was a remarkable woman, an example to us all in so many ways, but one who thought of herself as totally unremarkable and perhaps therein, lay some of her charm. 
She is, and will continue to be, sorely missed by all who knew and loved her.